Monday, March 24, 2008

Monday Poetry Train #20

Hello Poetry Trainers.

First, some most excellent news... I finished the first draft of my second novel. Sure feels good. And it doesn't totally suck! Sure, it needs some love, but for the most part, I'm just glad I've got a full draft to work with. I think the real magic is in the editing...

So, tonight, in celebration, I wrote an original poem. This is about as hot off the press as they get.

It doesn't even have a title yet.

The dramaturge sits in his oafish chair
beard in breath
wrangling his metaphors
he wants demonstration not simple words
the bee bigger than life
just because you say a red bird
represents death
doesn't mean it can't speak

The puppeteer, too, wants a larger role
and the woman behind the bar
the audience in a slow suicide
of soliloquy
wanders home past the
midnight beggars
the bearded critic
stuffs himself
with himself
and goes to bed
dreaming of the speed of light

And speaking of dreaming... I should get to bed myself.

Happy Monday!


Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Well, congrats on reaching the end of the draft!! That's a huge accomplishment.

As for the poem, I think I need to stand on a chair again... I definitely need help understanding it!

Julia Smith said...

LOL!!! This is hilarious! What to comment on first...

'beard in breath
wrangling his metaphors'


'the audience in a slow suicide
of soliloquy'

but the best is

'the bearded critic
stuffs himself
with himself' - LOL!!

And congrats on finishing your first draft. I wish I felt the same way about editing. Revisions make me freaky.

artpredator said...

yay yay yay! is this my buddy brigitta and her sis's adventures?? congrats! (do i get to read it soon?)

in the hot off the presses poem, i esp like the part about the red bird being able to speak...

Vicki said...

Hey, just wanted to let you know Julie Leto is doing a great giveaway everyday this week over on the Plotmonkeys Blog

Each day she is giving a chapter of her new book Phantom Pleasure (which will be 7 chapters in all, just enough to make you begging for more) and also each day she is giving away a $20 gift card to

Check it out. :D

Danika / OpenChannel said...


There are a lot of references to the actual "play" I was watching, so that may be where the confusion lies (i.e. the red bird, the bee, the puppeteer, the speed of light).

But the essence of it is a large, bearded dramaturge giving his snooty critique of the piece after the show.

(btw - just in case someone was there, haha, the poem was simply inspired by the events... the bearded dramaturge was actually a nice guy)

Danika / OpenChannel said...

thanks, Julia!

AP - yes, Brigitta and the Ruins of Noe (book two in the series). It's the first draft, mind you, so I'm not about to share it with anyone just yet. You are already on my test-market team, so you will be one of the first to read it.

Greyscale Territory said...

Total fun! Adore the crtic stuffing himself with himself! I immediately think of a not so cute teddy bear!


WinterRose said...

Wow, I'm finally on blogger again...

Congratulations with your second novel's first draft! ^___^

Danika / OpenChannel said...

Hi winterrose, wow, it's been a while!

thanks for stopping by.